The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell!!!.... something to start your Sunday with a chuckle!!

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children
understand what we are teaching???

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older
than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were
naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors
hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple,
so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not
sure what they were driven in though, because they
didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother
as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was
a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.
Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
animals on it. He asked some other people to join him,
but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau,
because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange
for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph
who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real
name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel
Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh
after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people.
These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels,
and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.
Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or
covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy
father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was
the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought
the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on
the town.

After Joshua came David.. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named
Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.
My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound
very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league
prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed
by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess
we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament.
Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem
in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because
my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you
born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of
fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners
like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil
that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and
even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on
trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up
for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to
life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at
the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in
the book of Revolution.

-Nothing bad will happen if you don't, but if
you forward this delightful story you'll make someone
LAUGH today and they'll keep spreading the laughter
by sending it on!! --------


LAUGH today and they'll keep spreading the laughter
by sending it on!! --------


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1st CCD Teachers' Meeting in Year 2011

A very Happy and Blessed New Year 2011.

Welcome Back, parents and children. We hope all of you had a very good break and are ready for another year. Today, the CCD teachers had the 1st meeting of the year and the following is a run down of the list of office bearers and teachers for 2011.

1) Office bearers:

Co-ordinator - Mr Joseph Loh
Secretary - Madam Anne Pang
Treasurer - Mdm Kassandra Hii

2) Teachers & Helpers:

Kindy class - Mdm Irene Chang - 0198196383
Ms Mary Aman

Primary 1 - Mdm Kassandra Hii - 0128885667
Ms Irene Lau

Primary 2 - Mdm Michelle Ong - 0198348175
Miss Mabel Lau - 0138081910

Primary 3 - Mdm Juliana Yii - 0198867729

Primary 4 - Mr Joseph Loh - 0168898099
Mdm Lydia Ling

Primary 5 - Mr Wilson August - 0138205787
Mr John Lye - 0198194789

Primary 6 - Mr Bernard Wong - 0168919336

Form 1 - Mdm Anne Pang - 0168727358

Form 2 - Mdm Patricia Wong - 0168550188
Mdm Jessica Teo - 0168782352

Form 3 - Mr Christus August - 0138205787

Form 4 & Confirmation class - Sir Charles Harry - 084 312525


3) CCD Classes registration will be held on 9th January 2011.

4) Five (5) main activities/events will be held this year:

a) Easter Celebration - 24.04.2011
b) Mother's Day - 01.05.2011
c) Prize Giving and Meet the Parents session - 29.05.2011
d) Catechetical Sunday - 18.09.2011
e) Closing Ceremony - 20.11.2011

Details of each event would be posted here closer to the date concerned.

As usual, we are always in need of more teachers and helpers. Please contact Mr Joseph Loh if you are interested in helping out. God Bless and see you all on 9th January 2011, 9.15am at St Mary's Church.